Crazy Says WHAT?!

I’m beginning to think that I’m crazy.  Well, to clarify, I’m not beginning to think it. I’ve been contemplating my potential craziness for some time now.  I’ve actually been asking my friends and family.  I keep getting answers that include, “No,” “Rational,” and “Normal,” and I even got an, “Everyone else is crazy”.  It’s a little disappointing that after all the introspection that I’ve done throughout my life, I still don’t know myself well enough to deduce whether or not I’m, in fact, crazy.

I’m like a Scotch Korean.  I’m a walking contradiction.  You might as well stick me in a pack of Starbursts.  I’d probably be a yellow one because that’s the most sour and  least delicious, and that’s about my luck.  Yep, I’m the yellow Starburst of life…

Not many things about me are consistent.  My views are different from day to day.  Some days are good.  Some days are bad.  I know that  I consistently like cats, and I consistently like smoking hookahs though.  It’s probably weird that I’ve never smoked a cigarette or done a single drug in my life, but I frequently smoke raspberry and blueberry-mint flavored tobacco out of a questionable looking, yet completely legal, smoking apparatus.  So, I suppose that I’m a cat loving, hookah smoking lemon Starburst.

At this point, I should probably explain why I think that I’m crazy.  I think that I might be crazy because I observe things around me and state the obvious, and some people react as if we’re living on completely different planets.  I can say that I saw a rabbit hop across the forest, and someone else will say, “No, that was a mermaid falling from a tree and galloping across the foothills of Turkey,” or just something completely absurd like that, and of course, I’d be wrong.  I’m always wrong.  Then, the person who saw the galloping mermaid will probably call me out for degrading a hare by calling it a rabbit in the vision that they didn’t even see.  And, how dare I say that the rabbit was running!  That rabbit hare was jogging at its own pace!

In addition to that, I often inadvertently do things that come off as being insensitive and catty.  I might say, “Hey, good morning,” and someone else will say, “I’ll have a good morning when I’m ready, but thank you kindly for your input.  Don’t make me feel obligated to immediately have a good morning–this isn’t a competition.  Just because you’re having a good morning doesn’t mean that I need to be doing the same.  I’ll have a good morning at 3 PM if that’s what I want to do, so have a NICE DAY!”.  To this, I’ll say, “Ok, you too,” and the story will continue on.  That person will say, “Now you’re just being cocky!”.  Meanwhile, another person will walk by and say, “Hey everyone.  Good morning!”.  The person who just got done tearing me a new one will then say, “Hey Teddy, good morningggg!”.  Who did I think I was being so RUDE and INSINCERE?

Also, I can pay a compliment that will magically turn into an insult within moments.  Somewhere between my mouth and another person’s ears, the phrase, “I like those shoes,” turns into, “Your butt is fat and your mother never loved you”.  If my words don’t get turned into other words, they get taken the wrong way.  If I say, “You’re so smart,” it’ll be taken as, “Thank goodness you’re intelligent because you sure are ugly”. 

On the flip side, my friends and family think that I’m a normal and sweet person, which is completely insane given the above scenarios.  While I’ve greatly exaggerated everything that I’ve said so far, the point is still the same.  Two people can carry out the same two actions, but one of those people can be perceived as being a friend while the other is a complete and utter tool.  If someone has a problem with a person, there is essentially nothing that person can do that will be right.  If someone has a chip on their shoulder, EVERYTHING that someone else does will get blown out of proportion.

Perhaps I’m a little sweet and a little sour, a little crazy and a little normal, or predictable with a surprise or two.  I’m not sure.  All I know is that I have to figure it out because my patience with society and all its dramatics is growing thin, and if I’m actually crazy,  I should probably start collecting my government check ASAP.

Ending on a Sherlock Holmes quote, “It is quite a three pipe problem, and I beg that you won’t speak to me for fifty minutes”.

Stereotypical Fun: How Insensitive Are You?

I’m going to play Captain Obvious for a second:  We live in a society that likes to get mad.  So many people are looking for something, or just anything, to complain about.  I’m guilty and a bit of a hypocrite, too, because I like to complain about nitpicky people who like to complain.  I get peeved by people who are perpetually peeved.  The thing that I find most interesting about our society is the emphasis on labels and the games that we all play to tiptoe around these labels, pretending like we don’t even know that they exist.  Everyone wants to be different and unique, but they only want to be different and unique when it’s beneficial.  No one should ever point out a difference unless it’s congratulatory, so it seems.

I’m going to throw out two scenarios, and then I’ll elaborate. 

Scenario A:

I wake up in the morning, and I brush my teeth.  All the while, I look in the mirror and think, “I’m so white and blonde, and I don’t look edgy whatsoever.  I’m definitely a conservative, and I’m probably stupid because of my hair color”.  I then get dressed, and I go about my daily tasks.  I drive to work, but not without thinking, “That person in front of me can’t drive.  They must be Asian…or female, but if they’re Asian, at least they’re good at math”.  I get to work, and I ride the elevator with a group of people.  One is black, two are white, and one of the white people are gay.  I look to the white heterosexual with a sense of comraderie, and I think, “This black woman is looking at me.  She’s probably thinking  that I’m a Republican and that she is a better dancer and can outrun me in a marathon.  The gay guy is definitely a liberal with a lisp, but he certainly has a good fashion sense. He looks fabulous”.  I then go about my day while trying to pick up on whether or not people on the phone are using the proper “be” verbs because if they don’t, I’ll assume that they were raised on the bad side of town.  A friend of mine e-mails me to go to lunch.  She’s hispanic, so I suggest that we go to La Hacienda or Taco Bell, but then she tells me that our African-American friend is coming, too, so then I’m completely stumped:  burritos or fried chicken?

(Have I sufficiently offended everyone with these stereotypes that are obviously too silly to be offensive?)

Scenario B:

I wake up and get dressed within 15 minutes.  All the while, I think, “I’m tired.  I don’t feel like being awake.  Is that  a zit?”.  I get in my car to go to work, and I’m still thinking, “I’m tired”.  People are driving slow, so I say, “Come on, people!  DRIVE!”.  I get to work, and I ride the elevator.  I say, “Good morning” to the fellow passengers.  My brain falls back to sleep.  I get to my desired destination, and I say “Y’all have a nice day,” never noticing who I rode the elevator with, what they were wearing, or what they even looked like.  I go through the motions of my day.  Then, my friend calls me to go to lunch.  We go to a pizza place…because we always go to a pizza place.  Mind you, my friend isn’t Italian.

Which scenario is accurate? 

Scenario B is 100% accurate for me, but I’m sure that some people will probably assume that it’s A.  The person who chooses A is probably someone who likes to call other people out for hatred because, although they recognize and dwell on the differences between themselves and others, everyone else should pretend that the labels and stereotypes don’t exist. People don’t really think like ”Scenario A”.  People who believe that other people think like “Scenario A” may happen to label themselves as a “Democrat,” so they’re exempt from any wrong-doing because they’re poltically correct and completely unbiased.

Why did I just bring up politics?  Why did I just use the word “Democrat”? OMG, why did she just say “Democrat”?! Keep reading. It’s not so serious.

So, I was searching for Walk Hard:  The Dewey Cox Story to post clips to my Facebook page. That stuff is hilarious.  It doesn’t get any better than the ”Let me hold you, little man” song.  (On a side note, the song is about midgets, and midgets are short, but pretend that you don’t notice.) I somehow came across this sweet compilation video of Disturbingly Racist Cartoons.  I watched the video and realized that I had watched every single one of these cartoons as a kid, and any racist actions or remarks were completely over my head back then.   Watching them now, I can see that some things might be taken as being racist…because everything today is taken as being racist.  People are so quick to get offended.

  The other day, I actually came across someone saying that someone else LOOKED like they used the “N” word a lot.  Of course, the person saying this said the actual “N” word, which has never escaped these lips, so I won’t let it escape my fingers either.  I’ve heard it all.  Basically,  if any comment or action is short on complimentary pizazz to anyone, it’s automatically offensive.

So, back to the video, one guy writes something along the lines of, “I’m a DEMOCRAT, and I don’t even find that these cartoons are racist”.  I had to laugh because it’s HILARIOUSLY funny.  I’m guessing that being a Democrat makes him entitled to declare what is and what isn’t racist–the almighty and all-knowing virtuous democrat to properly label all things while, coincidentally, ignoring all labels.

Mind you, this blog isn’t political.  I hate politics.  While I registered as a Republican when I was 18, I can only say that I’m myself with my own opinions that I’ve gained throughout the last few years.  I don’t know all about who stands for what, and I’m not too interested in having a political debate.  I can only say that, according to the mainstream media, it seems like being a Republican is wrong, but I digress.

The scary thing about it all is that people take themselves way too seriously!  There comes a time when you just have to laugh instead of get pissed off.  Not everyone in the world is out to get someone, and generally, people are too busy thinking about their own lives to worry about everyone else’s.  So, your age, race, sexual orientation, religion, and political bias aren’t as important to everyone as you think they are.

My freshman year of college existence revolved around a group of my friends teasing me for fitting the description of Hitler’s perfect German.  They called me an “Uberman,” and I received Nazi and Jew jokes left and right. I laughed because it was in good fun. No one was hurting anyone.  Blatant hate is disgusting, but harmless stereotyping for the sake of humor is just that:  harmless stereotyping for the sake of humor. 

The most racist thing someone can do is wrongfully accuse someone else of racism.

End.

$10 M, Where Are You?

As of late, I’m noticing that rich people are on the receiving end of a whole lot of guff.  It’s intriguing how everyone on the face of this planet would like to be rich, but at the same time, they just can’t stand rich people.  As Americans, we have a mean girl mentality.  I read an article not too long ago that had “research” proving that wealthy people are much less empathetic than poor people while almost always attributing their success to themselves as individuals instead of congratulating the government for doing such an amazing job.  They also think that their work ethic is responsible for their success. How stupid are they, right?! 

If you’re interested, here’s that article:  The rich are different — and not in a good way, studies suggest.

 I often wonder why I can’t be one of these disgusting rich people.  I want $10 million, but where-oh-WHERE is my $10 million? I’m almost positive that I know why I don’t have it, and here are some reasons:

-I wasn’t born with $10 million.  I didn’t pop out of the womb with jewel-encrusted booties or golden toenails. My parents aren’t rich.  They gave me food, clothing, shelter, some love, and an education.  No trust fund with $10 million anywhere in the deal.  Inconceivable!

-I didn’t marry and divorce a man worth $20 million.

-I earned a degree in Liberal Arts.  Enough said.

-I have yet to find a use for my Liberal Arts degree because I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do when I grow up.

-Besides being incredibly witty and capable of typing up to 140 wpm, I have nothing substantial to offer the vast population at this moment.  I can’t play music.  I’m not a good actress.  I haven’t discovered a cure for any life-threatening ailments, and I didn’t create Facebook.  I’m not saving lives or subjecting every waking moment of my life to the public. This is not to say that I’ve grown complacent with being average.  There’s always room for improvement.

So, those are the reasons why I’m not rich.  I can’t say that I’ve ever met billionaires, but I’ve met a few millionaires.  Why are they millionaires?

-They were born millionaires.

-OR-

-They have a successful business that they’ve invested time, money, sweat, and tears into. 

-They don’t exhaust their wealth on bad decisions.

-They’ve made smart investments.

-They’re not just average.  While they may not always have superior intelligence, there’s some quality that they have that the majority of the population does not, whatever it may be. Usually, they’re so nice and down to earth that you can’t tell that they’re even wealthy.

-THEY HAVE GOOD WORK ETHIC.

I have a hard time believing that rich people get rich by being lazy sacks of manure UNLESS they’re spoiled brats endowed with lots of cash from birth.  People who are meant to be successful and wealthy know what they have to do to be successful and wealthy.  People who are meant to be poor just don’t know how to be successful and wealthy.  You can give a homeless person a house and $1 million, and odds are, he’ll end up homeless again.

Not everyone is worthy of monetary wealth.  I know that, as of right now, I don’t deserve to be filthy rich, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel successful.  I work hard, my husband works hard, we have a house and possessions that we take pride in and a cat that owns us.  Our quality of life is way better than the lives of people that live in third world countries and even that of royalty from just a couple hundred years ago.  We’re lucky enough to be citizens of the greatest country in the world.

The bottom line is that some people are greedy, and the greedy ones aren’t always the rich ones.  People need to get their panties out of a bunch and take some responsibility for themselves.  It’s not like Lady Fortuna is spinning her wheel, and you get what she gives you.  We’re all captains of our own ships.  The most frustrating thing in the world is when people constantly moan about their position in life, but the only thing they do to change it is badger the people who aren’t as miserable.

Rant ended… ::sigh::